I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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