I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
