Soap is not a condiment
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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