the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
