Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
