You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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