we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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