if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
