I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
