Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
