the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
