maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
