yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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