I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
