so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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