I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
