wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
