I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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