I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
