PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
