no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm getting married
To pizza
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
