operation harelip BJ is a go
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
