i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
