she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
