Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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