she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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