Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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