She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize