He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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