I look better un-naked...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
