So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
