Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
