porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
