I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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