I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
