i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
