Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize