I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
