I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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