Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
