I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
