I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
