oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
