Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
