dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
