Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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