I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
