Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
