chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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