im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
