but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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