is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
