by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
