you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
