I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
