i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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