Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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