I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
