I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize