apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
