I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You dont lie about slip and slides
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
