I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
