During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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