I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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