I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
