He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
