I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
