Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
