Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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