My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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