Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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