too bad you live with your parents still
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
