They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
