I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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