barbara walters just said penis...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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