so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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