girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
