Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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