its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize