I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
