Will you blow on my dice?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
