I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize