I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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