I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
