Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
