I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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