Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
