did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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