When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
