eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
