May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
