im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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