I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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