It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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