thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
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