Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh god it's open bar.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
