Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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