i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
