Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
