Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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