Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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