That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
