Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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