I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
