I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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