I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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