i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
