i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i now understand why vodka
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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