Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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