Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
