dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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