I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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