My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize