So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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