i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
